


Just The Way You Are

by chairdesklamp



Series: KSH (Kazokuseirituhen) 1997-98 [1]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Averted Sexual Assault, Good Parent Issin, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Permissive Parent Isshin, Racism, Trans Ichigo, Trans Ichigo Kurosaki, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-16 11:19:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18093317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chairdesklamp/pseuds/chairdesklamp
Summary: Ichigo seeks distractions to avoid confessing to Chad, and Chad has no idea his own hidden feelings are reciprocated. It takes a terrifying situation for them to confess to each other, but aside from some bumps and bruises, it all works out. And changes their lives forever.





	Just The Way You Are

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: 
> 
> -Ichigo's preliminary character design had him with glasses. I usually don't wear mine; I stopped when I was a janitor. I came up with a gag and decided to give Ichigo my problem with glasses, because it’s one of those things that’s hilarious if it’s not you it’s happening to.. You’ll notice that in my writing—I take experiences of me, people I knew, famous incidents, things that I know happen, throw them in a blender, out comes story. 
> 
> -It's 1997. Ichigo and Chad were left back for reasons I will reveal throughout the serie. They were born in '84 and are 13 here.
> 
> -Ichigo's trans. Don't like it? Suck my packer. Queerphobia was imported around the world by colonial Europe, and white Americans in Japan's case. But Japan remembers its pre-American days, so queerness isn't the taboo subject it was/is in English speaking nations. 
> 
> -I always thought about the hair thing that maybe Kubo wanted Ichigo to be mixed race, but maybe Shuueisha said that was too heavy or something. Just a guess. Anyway, mixed representation is important. And yeah, Masaki was also mixed. 
> 
> -The bad guy talks like concussed Tarzan because his Japanese is bad. I could've wrote this in Japanese and put it on Pixiv, but I'm hoping to show this to people here who aren't necessarily fellow Shin-Issei, so I put it in English. Half of it was in my head in Japanese, so be grateful.
> 
> -I’d come here a few years prior to ’97, so I’m not terribly familiar with what was on Japanese TV at the time. I’d have given names of shows if this were ’89 or something. 
> 
> -At the time, I was watching Friends on a TV with dials. I know by ’97, new TVs had buttons and remotes for basic functions, but Issin was born in 1650 here, so he’s not concerned with the Joneses and all. There will be fics about him learning what these devices are. And if you like wacky humour, they will be hilarious.
> 
> -Coincidentally, about half of this was written on Word ’97. If you know what you’re doing, Windows 8 can run many ‘90s programmes and be made to look and act like Win98, which is what I learned for work. Win8 feels like it should be Fisher-Price branded…
> 
> -Napolitan is Americo-Japanese spaghetti. I came here to NYC and learned proper marinara sauce, and make and eat nothing but on my spaghetti. Napolitan ain’t that good, much like Americo-Chinese food.
> 
> -They have birth control methods that don’t dose you with estrogen now. Now, there are many options for trans boys and men. But I wasn’t aware of any in the ‘90s.
> 
> -Older queer lingo where applicable. 
> 
> -The actual sex is cut out because a) that can really bog down a narrative b) they’re 13, it makes me uncomfortable. I only stop as far into their night as I do so I can have Ichigo give you some sex ed and HRT info. You might notice, this isn’t meant to be erotic. This is a background story.
> 
> -Does Ichigo seem more awkward, unsure, a little more emotional than he should? That’s intentional. One hint is Masaki dies later in Ichigo’s life here, and Ichigo blames himself even more here. That all’s it’s own prequel one-shot. The other is, yeah, having the wrong hormones running through your body does a number on you. What Ichigo says about how crying makes him feel is written with experience, as is how awkward and raw he is. I transitioned in my 30s, but compile that with the awkwardness and insecurity of being 13… I mean, I was 13 once, myself.
> 
> -Wanted to put this note at the end, but if you’ve seen my one-shots on ff.net, you know that by the time Rukia comes to start the story, Ichigo and Chad have a three-year old daughter. Now you know how that happened despite the fact that Ichigo is not from a Puritanical culture, and is the son of the kind of doctor who gets certified in administering HRT so he can help his kid live a good life, morning tackles or not. You might also know I did that BECAUSE of all the teen parents I knew in high school, and that how happy or miserable their lives were depended almost entirely on accepting parents, and I put that message of “don’t abandon your child, dirtbag” in this via Issin and Ichigo. 
> 
> I’m actually gonna write several more stories that take place throughout Ichigo’s pregnancy and Yasuko’s birth to cover everything from how hard it is to be pregnant as a trans man, the introduction of Chizuru into their lives, Karin’s love of poker (hint; all the Kurosakis can see ghosts. KSH Yuzu gets power during the serie proper), Ichigo joining Chad’s band, why Yuzu assumes the cooking while in second grade, how nine-year old girls deal with the birth of their niece, how the age gap between Ichigo and the twins becomes much more palpable, divvying up of chores in the Kurosaki household (they all pitch in), etc., as well as why Chad and Ichigo isn’t the endgame pairing in KSH (but they’re still lovers—why have broken love when you can just have polyamory?)

“I would not leave you in times of trouble  
We never could have come this far  
I took the good times, I'll take the bad times  
I'll take you just the way you are”—“Just The Way You Are,” Billy Joel, USA, 1977

Issin's eyes never quite left the boy Ichigo had introduced that evening. It wasn't that he was white American and not Japanese; Issin's own wife and his children's mother had been from South Africa. The other boy Ichigo had brought for the evening, Yasutora, or "Chad" as apparently Ichigo had designated him, was Latino.

It was in a way that Issin was glad Yasutora, all 190 centimetres and undoubtedly over 80 kilogrammes of muscle that he was, was there. 

The credits on the music spot show they'd been watching hadn't even started rolling before the boy Issin didn't like spoke loudly 

"Me and Japanese boy desire loneliness!"

He stood, yanking Ichigo's arm.

"Ow! You mean 'time to ourselves,' Matthew. Unless you want to spend time with just my arm."

Nonetheless, Ichigo started after him toward the stairs.

Issin and Chad exchanged a wary glance. It relieved Issin to see he wasn't the only one.

"Chad and I are gonna watch the variety show that's up next," Issin said as jovially as he could before slipping into a slightly more serious tone, "remember what I told you if you need it."

"I do," Ichigo assured him, exchanging a nod with Chad before he was pulled away.

Chad looked at Issin, "I'm worried."

Issin sighed, going over to the television to turn the volume knob as far to the left as it would go, "me too..."

Not twelve minutes later, Ichigo's hands were fisted in his pockets as he looked away from Matthew, who sat next to him on the foot of the bed. It had been as easy and natural when it came up with Chad during a sleepover as it had been to come out to his dad. His mother never quite believed him, but she didn't look at him the way Matthew had been throughout the explanation. 

"So, the only real thing here is if we do anything, I don't have the same equipment as you probably do, and I will NOT do anything without protection."

Matthew's expression of disgust changed to a smirk, not unlike something a fair number of bullies ready to fight him had worn, stood up, and very intentionally towered over Ichigo.

"Since the time my father go to Yokohama army land, I always dream of controlling spineless Japanese girl. White men strong, want to own Japanese woman."

The misgendering alone would have Ichigo bop him in that long and easily broken Roman nose, but Matthew had his arms pinned at this point. 

And Ichigo remembered what a certain teacher had done to him while his dad was with Medicins Sans Fronteres, and Ichigo, half-trapped in a deluge of all sorts of painful memories, couldn't move but for shaking.

It was hard, hard to breathe, let alone shout, but it was all he could do.

"Bicycle! Bicycle Napolitan!"

Matthew's features twisted in derision, and he punched Ichigo in the face, pushing him over, Ichigo's head hitting the floor hard enough that Ichigo wondered briefly if he was bleeding.

Ichigo tried to pull himself up to fight, but Matthew jumped on him in an American football tackle, and began to rip at Ichigo's clothes. 

Ichigo lashed out furiously, near blindly.

"Bicycle Napolitan! Bicy-"

The door, which apparently Matthew had locked, was now on the floor, being trampled by Issin and Chad as they rushed inside.

With one hand, Chad lifted Matthew by his shirt collar, dangling him in the air as Issin checked Ichigo over.

Once Ichigo was able to correctly count three fingers and state that it was 1997, Issin walked over to Matthew's field of vision.

As close to paralysed by fear as Ichigo was, Issin was proud to see that Matthew’s left eye was bloody, red, and rapidly swelling shut, and he had a fair gash on his forehead, bleeding into the same eye.

Issin crossed his arms, and his low voice shook with anger.

"I have friends who can find anyone. And I'm a doctor who handles some emergencies. I can amputate anything. Never come near us ever again."

Matthew whimpered.

Issin looked to Chad and nodded to the window. 

"I'm not having him here another second. Can you toss him out there?"

Chad let out a single chuckle with a bemused smirk, "No problem."

Matthew landed with a 'thud' in front of a hedge, clambered to his feet and ran.

Chad crawled off the bed in front of the window and knelt at Ichigo's side, putting his arm around Ichigo's back for support. 

"Ichigo"

"I'm…my head just hurts. He just caught me off guard."

Karin and Yuzu stood at the broken door, clutching the frame. Issin turned to his seven-year old daughters. 

"Everything's okay. Big brother just hit his head. I'm just gonna patch him up downstairs, and everything will be fine. You can go play in your room. I'll be up to tuck you in soon."

The girls nodded and went to do as their father said.

Ichigo wavered, and Chad helped him to his feet. 

"Chad, I'd like you to just carry Ichigo to the clinic. You think you boys can do that?"

Both boys seemed to stare off into corners of the room, with a varying amount of stammered assents.

Chad took a breath for resolve, and picked Ichigo up in a bridal carry. Ichigo automatically reached out to put his arms around Chad's neck and froze.

"Do that," Chad reassured him in no particular tone of voice, "it's more secure."

Ichigo buried his face in Chad's collar to hide the blush as he put his arms around Chad's neck and mentally cursed his luck that this was only making things harder for him.

Ichigo had never been anything but socially dysphoric, but at the moment, he decided he was very lucky that a look at his lap would reveal nothing.

They made it to the clinic and Chad found that the bed he gently laid his best friend on only came up to mid-thigh on him, and would not, in fact, obscure his reaction from Ichigo's view. 

Chad mentally grumbled at the lack of bagginess of their uniform trousers.

Ichigo looked out the corner of his eye at Chad up and down, and felt relief wash over him. Ichigo's reaction couldn't be seen, but he did worry it could be smelt if Chad got close enough.

Although Ichigo noticed that Chad's visible eye was more pupil than usual, he didn't know that Chad noticed that Ichigo's eyes were the same.

Without saying it to each other, both boys realised at least closeness wasn't unwanted, and seeing Ichigo still shake from the earlier adrenaline rush and panic, Chad began soothingly stroking up and down Ichigo's arm. Whatever else was going on, Chad was still Ichigo's best friend. And Ichigo definitely needed one at that moment.

Issin came back with an otoscope to check Ichigo's eyes, bandages for any wounds, alcohol preps, and a few other things.

Eventually, it was determined Ichigo was no more physically hurt than needing an ice pack, and maybe emotionally enough to need some calming herbs and someone with him.

Chad volunteered to stay the night before he really thought about the new and unspoken development.

Both boys were only reminded of it as Chad carried Ichigo back upstairs, head with ice pack resting against Chad's quickly freezing right bicep.

Chad gently, again, laid Ichigo on the bed, breath hard from more than just exertion.

Ichigo stared up at him, wishing he wasn't so far apart, Ichigo unsure if reaching over would be welcome, and knowing there wasn't any excuse he could come up with if it wasn't. 

Chad watched Ichigo watch him, Ichigo's eyes wide, mouth slightly open, body spread out on the bed.

Ichigo took a shaky breath, "You prote-...You saved me. No one's done that since...no one...obligated, anyway. Once..."

Chad raised an eyebrow, "You saved me under that bridge. I meant what I said."

Ichigo shivered at the thought of what had almost happened...again... "You know what you saved me from."

"Yes."

Ichigo almost smacked his forehead. What he wanted to really talk about wasn't a natural conversational segue, and he knew he couldn't expect Chad to be the better conversationalist.

He'd just have to face it head-on and break through it, like most things he did. 

He'd yet to find a better strategy for anything, so there was no reason to not just do it for this.

"Sit next to me."

Chad silently did as Ichigo asked, Ichigo raising himself on one elbow off of the melting ice pack and soaked pillow.

"I think I-"

Out of embarrassment, Ichigo looked at his arm that braced him up.

"I'm attracted to you. Especially after the way you stood up for me tonight. And cared for me. In a way I haven't had in a long time. And that's okay--that's mostly okay. I'm used to protecting others. It's kinda how I see myself. But it's nice to have someone there for me, too. And, and you're also... really... Wow. Have you seen yourself? And you also smell nice. And you're warm... And I know you felt something, too, when you were carrying me. I can see good enough without glasses."

Chad shifted slightly closer. 

Ichigo, being less than skilfully observant, began to panic.

"Look, if you think this is weird or you don't see me like that, just forget I said anything! I don't wanna lose our friendship. I'm okay with just that if you-!"

Chad was kissing him.

Chad was kissing him.

And he kissed back, in joy, in excitement, in relief. 

When they parted, Ichigo was back on his back, one hand cradling the bump on the back of his head, Chad as out of breath as he, laying partially on top of Ichigo, diagonally, with his knees on the floor. 

Ichigo moved back against the wall, "Lay on the bed. That looks uncomfortable."

They laid in silence for a good minute. Then Ichigo reached out for Chad’s hand.

Chad laced his fingers between Ichigo’s. They exchanged a smile, and sat once more in silence.

It was another five minutes before Ichigo spoke up again. 

“I’ve actually been worried about this for a while now.”

“What?”

“That… I was the only one thinking what I was thinking.”

“Me, too.”

Ichigo chuckled bitterly, “If we’d just talked, what almost happened never would’ve happened.”

Chad sighed and squeezed Ichigo’s hand, “I’m sorry, Ichigo.”

Ichigo shook his head, “It’s not your fault. I should’ve said something instead of just assuming and looking for someone to distract me.”

Yuzu appeared in Little Twin Stars pyjamas, standing on the fallen door. 

Ichigo, who had forgotten that the door was inoperable, peered over Chad at his sister, “Didn’t Dad tuck you girls in?”

“Yeah”

“So why are you out of bed?”

“Because I can’t sleep.”

“Did you try?”

Yuzu shook her head.

Ichigo shook his ruefully, “Well, that’s why, then. Get back into bed and close your eyes for a while. If you can’t sleep after that, then let me or Dad know.”

Yuzu turned pleading eyes to Chad, hoping for him to counter and let her stay up.

Instead, Chad returned, “Your brother’s right. Try to sleep first.”

As she was seven, Yuzu slumped her shoulders and pouted, “Okay…”

When they heard her close the door to her room, Ichigo nodded toward the door and made to get off the bed, “We need to do something about that.”

“I’ll get it,” Chad replied, walking over, effortlessly picking up the solid door, and jamming it into its frame as much as he could. For good measure, he came back around, put the lamp and textbook on the desk onto the chair, and began to drag the desk toward the door as easily as if it was a bed sheet.

Ichigo was slightly taken aback, “Hey, Chad, you want some help with…?”

The desk was in front of the door and holding it closed before Ichigo could finish his question.

Chad answered anyway, “You’re hurt. You relax.”

Chad came back to the bed, laying on his side to fit easier, and put his arm around Ichigo when he noticed the feeling of clasps under Ichigo’s shirt, “You should take your binder off.”

Ichigo slowly sat up, remembering the discussion of binders not being safe to sleep in led to the easiest coming out he ever had besides telling his father, who’d been active in the Edo queer scene, and was, in fact, the person to tell Ichigo that transsexuality was something that was real, and to give Ichigo his new name.

Ichigo pulled his shirt off, biting his lip as it grazed the back of his head. Unlike the previous time, Ichigo didn’t turn away, being somewhat excited that he would be shedding clothes in front of someone he’d been longing to do such things with.

Ichigo paused for a second, then yanked his binder over his head rather than unfastening all the clips. 

“It’s not good for them if you do that a lot, but I’m tired.”

On a slightly older boy of much more girth, what Ichigo was binding might have seemed quite natural for a cisgender person.

It wouldn’t bother him by himself, but it wasn’t his own reaction he was worried about.

When his eyes met Chad’s, they did so unusually timidly, filled with fear of rejection.

Chad held out his hand, which Ichigo took, and guided Ichigo to lay his head on Chad’s chest.

Chad knew what was wrong. It would be an obvious thing to worry about, and Ichigo was a boy as subtle as a monsoon.

“I like you just the way you are.”

He put an arm around Ichigo, only to notice his own shirt was getting a bit wet.

“Ichigo?”

Ichigo sat up, furiously rubbing at his eyes and straining to steady his voice.

“Sorry—I’m sorry. I hate that I do this. It’s gross. Dad says it’ll stop once he’s finished his training and can start giving me hormones.”

Chad sat up, reached over, and wiped the tears from the lower part of Ichigo’s cheeks.

“It’s not unreasonable to be afraid. But I like you.”

Hearing that, Ichigo took a few calming breaths as Chad laid gentle kisses on his head, careful to avoid anywhere near the swollen area. 

Ichigo looked up, eyes slightly red, but voice clear as he spoke.

“Ugh. I’m lucky that’s never happened in school… I can pass my voice off as me being the same age as our classmates, but no normal twelve-year old boy bursts into tears.”

“They would,” Chad countered, “with reason like that.”

“I feel disgusting. It never makes me feel good… mind if I go for a shower?” Ichigo asked, pointing to the other door in the room.

“Don’t lock the door; you’re still injured.”

Ichigo, whose hopes had risen and fallen during Chad’s words, nodded assent and left.

A few minutes later, he came back in his towel and wet hair.

“I forgot to bring clothes in.”

Chad thought back to Ichigo’s face before the quick shower.

“I could take mine off, too.”

Ichigo tried to tamp down the big smile he wanted to give, but let more than enough excitement show.

With them both nude on the bed, Ichigo, seeing Chad was reacting favourably, ran a hand through his drying hair.

“If we go further tonight, I should let you know. I don’t take birth control because it’d just pump me with more girl hormones. The moment I hit puberty, Dad insisted I keep at least condoms around, so there are some in the middle desk drawer. We should probably use them. Even when I do start taking hormones, it doesn’t act as birth control.”

Chad reached out and ran his hand down Ichigo’s hip and thigh, “I’ll go get one, just in case.”

Some thirty minutes later, the two lay beneath the covers, fulfilled, tired, and a bit in pain.

Ichigo grunted,.

Chad rubbed up and down Ichigo’s arm, “Does it still hurt?”

“I can’t believe it snapped inside me. I’ll be okay. What about you?”

Chad shrugged, “It stings…I can tell your dad if you need.”

Ichigo shook his head, “No, don’t. Thanks, but I’d rather tell him myself if we end up needing to.”

Chad pulled the chair over and turned out the light as Ichigo buried himself under the covers, pressing his body against Chad’s.

“Ichigo?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you…okay?”

“A little nervous.”

“Whatever happens, I’m with you.”

Ichigo put his arms around Chad in response. Chad’s words worked enough that he was soon asleep.


End file.
